Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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