I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
