It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
