i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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