Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
