I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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