Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
