theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
