this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
