that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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