He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
