apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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