I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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