Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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