my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
