pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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