there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
