Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
