that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
