It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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