So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
