How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
