i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
