i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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