May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
