unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
