I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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