There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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