Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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