let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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