woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
