At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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