I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize