Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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