just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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