So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we made out on top of his cat.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
