Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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