it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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