Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ugly people sure do ruin things
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
