He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
