Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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