Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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