I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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