He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Pants are for mortals
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
