guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
