I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
