I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
