is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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