you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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