Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
