you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
