My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
