his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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