I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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