dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
