its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
