I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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