Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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