so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
