where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
