I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
