i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
