I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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