my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
